Last night was the hardest night I have ever had. I broke up with my girlfriend and I dont even know what to do now. I wasnt even expecting it as much as her. I loved her so much but I just couldnt take it anymore. Everytime I was with her it felt like I was on top of the world, but the second I left, I fell right down to hell again. When I was with her I cared, I loved, and I wanted her. When I left I blamed myself for everything that happened, didnt miss her as much as I have, and hated myself for it all. All my mind was focused on was those feelings, lost, hurting her, and it was jsut destroying myself. She asked one simple question, "whats wrong" and all hell broke loose. I couldnt even talk because I was so scared, only things that came out were hoarse whispers and betrayal. All of her questions, all of her rebuttals, and all of her tears shot me in the heart. She asked for one last thing, for me to kiss her one last time. And thats just what it was, a kiss. I didnt feel what I used to, no thrill, no love... just a kiss. I left, and I drove. I drove down to Lake Michigan and just sat on the rocks trying to grasp what happened. I just cried, I didnt know what else to do. I hurt her so much, blamed myself for everything, tried to look ahead but I just cried. I didnt know what else to do, I just finally broke down after all these months of torture. I went home and just cried more in bed.
I just feel that I betrayed her so much. I broke her heart, and I could never do that again to somebody. I loved her so much, I just couldnt get past the feelings Ive had myself. I couldnt keep torturing myself, all for her sake though. And now were going off to college, leaving each other in the past. And Im going to miss her so much.
I Love You Tina, You Will Always Be My First Love.
Oct 26 2011- Aug 11 2012
And if you read this, Kudos.